WARNING: This post is brutally “truthful.”
Ok so we know/expect when you get pregnant you will gain weight…duh! I knew that I had gained about 60 lbs in my pregnancy with Truett and although I lost about 20 lbs in the first 3 weeks (he was a 9lb baby after all) Christmas arrived and with it some of those all to familiar pounds came right back. After my 6 week appointment (4 weeks ago) I was officially cleared to exercise and vowed to get my butt in shape. I think in the back of my head I was telling myself this would be a quick process (yes you can Laugh Out Loud here)
So the first day I put True in the jogging stroller and set out for my work-out, I figured I would start with a fast pace walk…
I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE after 30 minutes.
I started to panic. How had this happened? I used to be in shape! I use to be able to bike for an hour then run a few miles. I used to be able to work out for two hours no problem…What in the world had happen to my body!??!
I had forgotten the that was 8+ months and about 50 lbs ago.
But none the less I was determined. So I kept walking. Pretty much every day I would begrudgingly walk (wanting to do so much more but knowing very well I couldn’t). I had worked up to walking about an hour and a half. Then it stopped…
It was week three of trying really hard and being determined to lose this baby weight…and I quit.
I was tired of trying and having nothing to show for it. I was tired of not getting to do the kind of works-outs I was used to. I was discouraged that the number on the scale had barely gone down a pound. I was overwhelmed and let myself believe that I would just be different now.
“It happens. Women have babies & they gain weight and they become a mommy and they must just be ok with it…right?”
So for about a 4 day period I was over it and decided that I would just be that mom…
The mom that never put pictures of herself on anything…I mean I have a cute baby who needs to see me?
The mom that didn’t worry about how she looked…I have a ton going on and way to much to do.
The mom that lived in yoga pants because it is just way too depressing to wear maternity clothes when you AREN’T pregnant!
The mom that dreaded going anywhere because of said wardrobe issues.
Then it happened.
It was an afternoon while True was napping. Barry and I were taking the bassinet/pack ‘n play out of our room along with all of the baby things that had accumulated over the last 8 weeks. I guess I had never noticed…because of the pack ‘n play our full size mirror was blocked where you couldn’t really use it.
I will never forget that moment. We had moved everything out of the room and something caught my eye.
It was this person that looked kinda of like me but nothing like me all at the same time. I realized that I had not really looked in a full size mirror since being pregnant. I of course had used our bathroom mirror and new that the scale and my old jeans told me I was much heavier but I had not seen this before.
I looked at the pictures on my wall and back at the mirror. I felt like the person in those pictures…but I did not look like that person at all.
Don’t get me wrong the goal here is not to look a certain way but rather to not burst into tears when I look in the mirror and MOST importantly to be healthy!
So that did it. I sat Barry down and discussed exactly how I was feeling, what I was determined to do and asked him to keep me accountable/help me through the long days ahead.
I don’t want to be that mom. I tried it & I was miserable. I want to be able to keep up with my little boy as he grows. I want to be able to feel hot on date night. I want to be able to take a family picture and not cringe. I want to be able to get ready for the day without bursting into tears.
So, understanding that it will take longer than 3 weeks to get the results I want…IT’S A PROCESS! Im determined and ready to do what it takes to be healthy, and feel confident in who I am.
SO there you have…all laid out on the table. I said this was going to be truthful.
Being typically a VERY private person there is a part of me that can’t help but think:
“WHAT THE CRAP AM I DOING! This is my personal business. What impression will this give people? What will people say?”
“What if I cant do it. What if I fail…”
Failure is not an option and this post is one of the ways I am going to ensure that!
I also began this blog to say what so many moms are thinking but won’t say. I began this blog to be TRUTHFUL about “mommyhood” and this is a big part of it. Being healthy is one of the greatest gifts I can give my son.
Even if only two people read this…its out there and I have said that I am going to do something. I try my very hardest to be a women of my word…so this a great form of accountability for me.
For those of you that do read this and can relate I hope this inspires you to take action.
As I said in the beginning…I had a lot of knowledge yet I wasn’t really willing to do much about it. So let’s do it! Let’s make 2013 a year to remember, do the things we have always wanted to do, reach our goals and feel confident and accomplished. I would love to help you in any way I can. Its amazing what accountability, and just knowing that someone else knows, can do. Feel free to email (firstname.lastname@example.org) me your story or goals. I am IN NO WAY a nutritionalist or even health expert…but I can encourage, listen, and hopefully motivate with my story.
There are still 11 months in this year…I don’t know about you but I’m going to make them count!
*Since writing this blog a week ago…and dragging my feet to actually post it…I’ve lost 4 pounds just from eating healthy and exercising! 🙂 Celebrating the little victories!!!*
Saying goodbye to this ^ (4 weeks post baby).
and remembering what it felt like to be this..
“The future depends on what you do today.”