We are now to the point that I can honestly say:
Truett sleeps well.
He wakes up when he is hungry, and due to the great sleep, he eats VERY well and then we enjoy some fun, play time, cuddles, kisses with our happy well-rested boy. Usually, when he wakes up it’s for a reason, he has a dirty diaper, he spit up (can I please say the smell of spit up is permanently in my nose!!), or he is hungry. Of course there have been times he is just fussy but overall there is a reason.
On this particular early morning he was having a hard time falling asleep after eating. It was 5:30am and after a lot of shhhhhing, rocking, patting etc he finally fell asleep…only to wake 30 minutes later.
He was distraught.
So begins the guessing game of “Is it this….is it that?” It was none of the usual things. So I was left stumped. In an effort to see if he needed to burp I put him on my shoulder and immediately he snuggled his little head into my neck and stopped crying. I sat in our bed, laid him on my chest, and he was content.
Now for those of you that might be questioning…I love to hold my baby. I hold him all the time! The muscles in my right arm will attest to that. But this was an unusual morning, and never before had my son woken up this way!
He just wanted to be held. That’s all. Not fed, not changed, not burped…just held.
As I was holding him, I began to think how quickly this will pass. I know very well I will blink and my little boy will be too big, too busy and too cool to be held. I know that, although I was exhausted, I will, one day, give anything to go back to this moment of just holding and staring at my baby.
As I was cherishing every second of this experience, I started to think about moments when I have needed to be held. One thing parenting will automatically do is give a glimpse into the depth of the love our Creator has for us. I constantly find comparisons in my relationship and experiences with my son and my relationship and experiences with Jesus.
Thankfully, Jesus is not the guessing parent that takes 15 minutes of trying other things before realizing what we need. He is waiting anxiously, wanting to give us a safe place to find rest. Unfortunately, so often I fail to realize that is exactly what I need…I’m look everywhere else for peace.
More money, more sleep, more time, less clutter, less stress…
If I could be the perfect: wife, mom, friend etc…
But it never works.
So I get to that “over-it”, exhausted, overwhelmed, defeated place then I crawl into my Saviors lap & rest. Thinking of his promises to me:
” Truly my soul finds rest in God;
my salvation comes from him.
Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.”
I am so thankful for this moment with my boy, for many reasons, but especially for the reminder that I so desperately needed.
The most amazing part of all of this is I never have to leave the place of being near my Savior and resting in his arms.
Stop running, searching struggling….find rest.
Why are you striving these days?
Why are you trying to earn grace?
Why are you crying?
Let me lift up your face, just don’t turn away
Why are you looking for love?
Why are you still searching as if I’m not enough?
To where will you go child?
Tell me where will you run, to where will you run?
‘Cause I’ll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don’t fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you