I am a Christmas freak. Seriously…it’s ridiculous! It has always been my favorite time of year and the countdown begins right after Halloween. Yes, I’m thankful and love Thanksgiving. Yes, I wait until after Thanksgiving (the day after) to decorate for Christmas (my husband makes me). But you can bet by November 1st…the countdown has begun.
This year I was thrown off my game and didn’t give Christmas as much thought in the month of November because I was busy planning the 1st birthday party of the century 🙂
But sometime late November when I was dreaming & planning for Christmas it hit me…
I was agonizing of Christmas traditions and wanted to set some in place for “Truett’s first Christmas.” I even broke down and got on Pinterest and to look up some cute crafty ideas. I tend to stay away from the “perfection site” BUT due to the lack of sleep I’m getting from heartburn, having to pee every hour and just being pregnant…I often cave at 2am when the alternative is starring at the baby monitoring thinking “there will be two of these in less than 3 months.” <-that’s a whole different blog though. 🙂
So back to Christmas…I was coming up with some “traditions” and cute ideas when it hit me.
This is not Truett’s first Christmas.
Ok don’t roll your eyes here…or do but don’t tell me about it.
I know how old my child is & I… vaguely…remember last Christmas. But let’s be honest. Last Christmas I had an almost 1 month old and from December 1, 2012 when I came home from the hospital, to December 25, 2012 (Truett’s 1st Christmas) not only was I thrown into a whole new world of parenting with a husband who was working 3 jobs & going to school but I also graduated college. Did I mention I was thrown into a whole new world of no sleep and parenting?
I can write out that whole “let’s be honest” and defend why I vaguely remember last Christmas right now… but in my moment of realization it was not so pretty.
I missed it. I missed his first Christmas. I have maybe 4 pictures from the day & there were NO traditions established. I was just trying to feed him (every 2 hours) & go 24 hrs without crying…
I’d be lying if I said this didn’t take me quite sometime to get over. I really didn’t “get over it” until I mentioned it to a few veteran moms that had a baby close to Christmas and they assured me that their child’s first Christmas was very similar.
It’s funny how that works. Sometimes we need someone that is a little further down the road to say “me too!” Someone that gives us hope. Hope that in spite of the
days weeks maybe even months where life is changing, you are trying to get your footing & you feel like you missed a moment that you will never get back…in spite of that…
You are a good mom & your little one still thinks you are the greatest thing since sliced bread (my kid loves bread!) …& they won’t need years of therapy because you only have 4 pictures (2 of which they are crying in) of their 1st Christmas.
Truett’s 2nd Christmas:
- He was sick (combo of allergies & teething).
- I got maybe 3 hours of sleep the night before…for some reason when I’m pregnant my body thinks that I don’t need sleep.
- We realized at 10pm on Christmas Eve that we didn’t make the “Happy Birthday Jesus” cake that I had been saying for 2 months we were going to make & we didn’t have the stuff to do so. <-that was suppose to be one of those “traditions.”
- He surprisingly was not interested in reading “The Christmas Story” even if it was the kid version that I got him as his “Christmas book” <-another “tradition” that didn’t go as planned.
But it was GREAT.
We were together and spent some quality time with people we love. I know that Truett felt loved and that I will always remember this Christmas as a special one.
The Christmas that I chose to tell that “mommy guilt” voice to shut up and enjoyed the good moments along with the bad, and accept the “I didn’t do ____” or “I forgot___” but with accepting them, choosing not to focus on them.
I read this blog this morning and it said:
” It’s not that I don’t want to be better. I think at heart we wake up each day and want each day to be better than the next. That’s why I celebrate pulling up the boot straps and trying again and again and giving yourself grace. (Don’t forget grace. Ever.) Motherhood has moments of extreme patience, extreme trying, and really learning to not compare.”
Don’t forget grace. Ever.
That’s what Christmas is really all about isn’t it?
I am so very undeserving of the gift of Jesus.
I am so very undeserving of the love of my family.
I am so very undeserving of the title “mommy.”
But I am SO very grateful for GRACE.