It’s been just over one year since I started this blog. If you have been reading since the beginning you know that part of the purpose was to share my weight loss journey after gaining around 60 lbs with my first pregnancy. It was such an encouragement to me and great accountability to know other people were following my story. It made it more difficult to eat the late night bowl of ice cream or skip the work out knowing that there were people (a few at least 😉 ) that were keeping up with my progress and cheering me on.
Then July rolled around. I had lost around 30 of the 60 lbs and was sticking to my plan to lose the rest. On July 14th I found out I was pregnant. You can read about that here. That was definitely a big pause button when it came to losing weight…obviously. So at the end of said pregnancy there has been another 50 lbs added on to the leftover 30 lbs…80 lbs to lose.
That being said…or written…
As I start this new chapter of losing this baby weight (x2) I was so much more hesitant to share. I’ve spent the few days going back and forth on whether or not I open up and share this part of my “mommyhood.” I really couldn’t figure out where this push back was coming from and why I wasn’t as eager as last time to put it all out there. So many positive things came from my willingness to share last time around. Why not do it again?
Then it hit me (around 3am #lifewithanewborn)
I was afraid. Afraid of failing. Afraid of being honest and afraid of what people might think. If I’m “truthful,” the fear of failing comes from a place of feeling like a failed the last time around.
I was pregnant and therefore should not have been focusing on losing weight.
Anyone would understand that. You don’t have to try and convince me that it was a wise decision to put a hold on losing weight while pregnant. I know. But I also know that I let history repeat itself in a lot of ways and did not focus on being as healthy as I could while pregnant.
Still all I could hear/focus on where the lies…
“I didn’t accomplish all of my goals last time around. I failed. I probably can’t accomplish them…it’s never going to happen.”
I was slowly (without even fully realizing it) convincing myself that it was too much, too hard, and I just couldn’t do it.
The determination that was there when I wrote this post, had been replaced with defeat.
I just continued to let those lies get LOUDER & LOUDER.
The moment I knew I was starting to believe the lies:
I looked at another blogger that I have been following for inspiration. She has lost over 100 lbs & looks incredible after having two kids (almost the same distances apart as mine) and I thought,
I’m just not her. I’m just not meant to be in shape. I’ll just be “happy” with myself and be a super fun mom that pretends to be ok with the way I look. I have a 15 month old and a 3 week old…it’s just totally unrealistic for me to try and focus on anything other than them right now.
So I had a choice…by this point it was now about 3:30am…
Believe the lies and give up.
Or recognize them for what they are…lies…open up, be vulnerable and move forward.
As I thought about my choices I thought about how it felt to lose the first 10lbs last year, or the moment of crossing the finish line of my first (post-baby) 5k. I thought of all the messages/comments from people saying “you wrote what I was feeling.” or “you inspired me to _____” or “I’m so glad to know I’m not the only one!”
Why can’t I do it again? Why can’t I feel confident and most importantly healthy? Why can’t I make it a priority to do whatever it takes to have energy, feel good and be able to keep up with these two little boys?
I can’t if I believe the lies. It would be impossible. If I focus on all the reasons and negativity that would love to take residence in my head then I can’t.
So my choice?
To do whatever it takes to-DAILY-ignore those lies and be the best me that I can be. To accomplish goals I set for myself and to make myself a priority so that I can not only be around for a long time but feel good!
This concept is true in any area of life. No just with losing weight and getting healthy. We have to be able to recognize the lies that are holding us back from all we can be and shut out the negativity that is stopping us from reaching our full potential.
What is that you so desperately want to accomplish but have given up because of the lies that you have been listening to?
There is still just over 9 months left in 2014. This can still be “your year” or “the year things changed.” But YOU decide whether or not that happens.
I know this will be a slow process. I can’t work out until Friday (can you tell I’m counting down the days). More than losing weight right now (I definitely want to but I know it will be difficult while I’m not getting much sleep and breastfeeding) I want to feel good. It is amazing how much better you can feel when you eat healthy foods. I know that I will have good days and not so good days. But that’s all apart of the journey & I’m not wasting anymore time listening to lies.
**If you would like to follow along as I post updates on how this process is going you can enter your email address on the side -> and get emails when I post new blogs. I probably won’t be sharing each post through social media so it’s a great way to keep up. It won’t all be rainbows and butterflies but it will be real and truthful!