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I know it has been over a month since my last post and I haven’t been updating the way I planned when it comes to weight loss. I definitely have my hands full with these two little guys.

(My next post is going to be all about my boys with a crazy amount of pictures and maybe even a few adorable videos…so make sure you follow or subscribe so you don’t miss it!)

I have started to write a few times but I honestly just needed some time. Some time to prove that I am getting healthy for me…not for anyone else. What you do when no one knows, when no one is watching, that is what will make or break you. I think I needed to eat healthy/exercise etc. and prove to myself that I could and would do this no matter what.

But I was reminded of something so encouraging, I just had to share.

Here is a quick update:

I’m down 8 lbs from March 17th. I have lost more than that but I gained some weight back over my birthday celebration(S). (what can I say I am a VERY loved girl 🙂 )

I have been eating healthy most days. My diet mainly consist of veggies, meat, and some fruit <-THIS IS MY WEAKNESS…I would just eat fruit for every meal…but all that sugar! Yeah, not a good idea.

I cut out dairy originally because I’ve noticed that really helps me lose weight. I promise it is much easier than you think and all it takes is some pizza (last Friday night) or froyo (saturday…I’m telling you birthday celebrations killed me). But for real just one “diary-filled” meal after not eating it for awhile and let’s just say you go right back to HAPPILY not eating it.

I started a “couch to 5k” app and completed my first “post-baby #2” 5k last Saturday. It was the Run for the Trees and it was my 4th year in a row doing it.

It was hard, ridiculously hard and pretty discouraging, honestly. Everyone wants to improve with time and become better…well this race is one of those reminders that I have a longgggg way to go to get back to where I was last year (or the years before for that matter).

BUT I finished it! That’s better than what I wanted to do…which varied between crawling in a hole to die, punching someone in the throat, and/or consulting a doctor about some serious liposuction. Not kidding.

During the week leading up to the 5k I was trying to come up with a new plan for after the race. I need structure. I thrive off of a routine and a plan! There are 231805430953580059034529 different programs out there and people that swear “this is the best thing ever.”

Here’s the deal… I know what to eat. I know how to workout. I just need some kind of general plan as to how I’m going to do those things and I would LOVE to not spend $$$ at this point. I have so much to lose and I know I will hit a sticking point after I lose some of the weight. At that point I will look into something that might cost but right now I just need something free and simple.

Here’s what I decided on. It’s 100% free and gives you everything from specific workouts to do, to a general meal plan, to recipe ideas/food list. Bodybuilding.com has tons of these programs! There is also an app you can download that lets you pull up the workouts & track everything.

It is a 12 week program, and at first I thought “TWELVE weeks. Yeah. No.” But I’m in this for the long haul…as in as long as it takes to get back in shape and be healthy-haul. So why not? I will be going a short trip to Haiti this summer and probably 1 other vacation so I know there will be some weeks that are better than others. But it’s a goal…something to strive for…exactly what I needed.

I think the scariest thing about a 12 week commitment is the opportunity to fail.

THIS was the reminder I had to share…

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I will fail at times. We all do. I will have “bad days”…maybe even “bad weeks.”

Moments where I lose sight of what matters mosts.

Moments where I allow the lies to fill my head and control my actions.

Moments where I sit down and have the “it’s not fair that it is this hard for me while 13901832108 other women can eat McDonalds every day and look like a freakin VS model.” <-seriously. It’s annoying.

But I will always get back up. Tomorrow can always be better than today. Because after those moments of “failure,” that’s where you learn. That’s where you grow.

I’ve said it before but I just love the first day of the month. There is something so refreshing about a new month!

May 1st leaves 244 days left in this year.

TWO HUNDRED AND FORTY-FOUR!

That’s a whole lot of days! This year can still be a life changing year.

How will you be better in May? What are somethings you want to change from April?

 

There is no better day than the first day of the month to get started!

 

It’s True.

Ever True. 

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Lies.

It’s been just over one year since I started this blog. If you have been reading since the beginning you know that part of the purpose was to share my weight loss journey after gaining around 60 lbs with my first pregnancy. It was such an encouragement to me and great accountability to know other people were following my story. It made it more difficult to eat the late night bowl of ice cream or skip the work out knowing that there were people (a few at least 😉 ) that were keeping up with  my progress and cheering me on.

Then July rolled around. I had lost around 30 of the 60 lbs and was sticking to my plan to lose the rest. On July 14th I found out I was pregnant. You can read about that here. That was definitely a big pause button when it came to losing weight…obviously. So at the end of said pregnancy there has been another 50 lbs added on to the leftover 30 lbs…80 lbs to lose.

That being said…or written…

As I start this new chapter of losing this baby weight (x2) I was so much more hesitant to share. I’ve spent the few days going back and forth on whether or not I open up and share this part of my “mommyhood.” I really couldn’t figure out where this push back was coming from and why I wasn’t as eager as last time to put it all out there. So many positive things came from my willingness to share last time around. Why not do it again?

Then it hit me (around 3am #lifewithanewborn)

I was afraid. Afraid of failing. Afraid of being honest and afraid of what people might think. If I’m “truthful,” the fear of failing comes from a place of feeling like a failed the last time around.

Yes.

I know.

I was pregnant and therefore should not have been focusing on losing weight.

Anyone would understand that. You don’t have to try and convince me that it was a wise decision to put a hold on losing weight while pregnant. I know. But I also know that I let history repeat itself in a lot of ways and did not focus on being as healthy as I could while pregnant.

Still all I could hear/focus on where the lies…

“I didn’t accomplish all of my goals last time around. I failed. I probably can’t accomplish them…it’s never going to happen.” 

I was slowly (without even fully realizing it) convincing myself that it was too much, too hard, and I just couldn’t do it.

The determination that was there when I wrote this post, had been replaced with defeat.

I just continued to let those lies get LOUDER & LOUDER.

The moment I knew I was starting to believe the lies:

I looked at another blogger that I have been following for inspiration. She has lost over 100 lbs & looks incredible after having two kids (almost the same distances apart as mine) and I thought,

I’m just not her. I’m just not meant to be in shape. I’ll just be “happy” with myself and be a super fun mom that pretends to be ok with the way I look. I have a 15 month old and a 3 week old…it’s just totally unrealistic for me to try and focus on anything other than them right now.

More lies.

So I had a choice…by this point it was now about 3:30am…

Believe the lies and give up.

Or recognize them for what they are…lies…open up, be vulnerable and move forward.

As I thought about my choices I thought about how it felt to lose the first 10lbs last year, or the moment of crossing the finish line of my first (post-baby) 5k. I thought of all the messages/comments from people saying “you wrote what I was feeling.” or “you inspired me to _____” or “I’m so glad to know I’m not the only one!”

Why can’t I do it again? Why can’t I feel confident and most importantly healthy? Why can’t I make it a priority to do whatever it takes to have energy, feel good and be able to keep up with these two little boys?

I can’t if I believe the lies. It would be impossible. If I focus on all the reasons and negativity that would love to take residence in my head then I can’t.

So my choice?

To do whatever it takes to-DAILY-ignore those lies and be the best me that I can be. To accomplish goals I set for myself and to make myself a priority so that I can not only be around for a long time but feel good!

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This concept is true in any area of life. No just with losing weight and getting healthy. We have to be able to recognize the lies that are holding us back from all we can be and shut out the negativity that is stopping us from reaching our full potential.

What is that you so desperately want to accomplish but have given up because of the lies that you have been listening to?

There is still just over 9 months left in 2014. This can still be “your year” or “the year things changed.” But YOU decide whether or not that happens.

I know this will be a slow process. I can’t work out until Friday (can you tell I’m counting down the days). More than losing weight right now (I definitely want to but I know it will be difficult while I’m not getting much sleep and breastfeeding) I want to feel good. It is amazing how much better you can feel when you eat healthy foods. I know that I will have good days and not so good days. But that’s all apart of the journey & I’m not wasting anymore time listening to lies.

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Its True…

Ever True.

 

**If you would like to follow along as I post updates on how this process is going you can enter your email address on the side -> and get emails when I post new blogs. I probably won’t be sharing each post through social media so it’s a great way to keep up. It won’t all be rainbows and butterflies but it will be real and truthful!

“We found something…”

I have gone back and forth about this blog and decided a few days ago it would more than likely be one of those “I need to write…but won’t actually publish.”

But I just couldn’t leave it there…as a draft for no one else to see…because I have seen amazing things happen when I open myself up, decide to be vulnerable & TRUTHFUL about my life. People who love me then know what to specifically pray for, it helps me process my thoughts & maybe just maybe someone else can be encouraged through my story.

Have you ever had that gut feeling that something was wrong…something that you just couldn’t shake and you just knew something wasn’t right.

I tend to worry but those of you that have experience this feeling, know it is more than just being paranoid.

We were finally getting to see our sweet baby at our “Anatomy Ultrasound” and all I could think about was the excitement of knowing whether this little one was a boy or girl. I knew that this ultrasound was important and they do a lot more than just check for gender but that was still my focus.

Because we were having a “Gender Reveal” party the next day we didn’t want to find out the gender just yet. The ultrasound tech knew to tell us to look away while she was looking in that area and I gave here an envelope & card to write the gender in.   I would post the picture she put in the card but let’s just say my children are loud and proud! It’s a little to up close and personal. 🙂

Back to the ultrasound…

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I always love ultrasounds & seeing my sweet baby never ceases to amaze me! The baby was moving all over the place and covered his face with his hands (just like his brother). We saw him open and close his mouth and got to see his HUGE feet. 🙂

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Barry and I were teary eye/excited to see our baby! It’s truly such a miracle and incredible what technology allows you to see.

There were many parts of the ultrasound where I had NO idea what I was looking at but when it came to the heart I just took a guess and said “That’s the heart right?”

The tech told me that I was right. Initially I was just taking in the wonder of being able to see my baby’s heart beat…but after what seemed like a very long time (probably a couple minutes in reality) she was still taking pictures and zooming in on the heart. I said “does everything look ok?” and she responded the way she was “suppose to” with a quick “I’m not allow to say anything other than that’s the heart.”

I knew. I knew there was something…I didn’t know what or how bad but something was wrong.

I talked about the experience with a few people & of course everyone came to the same consensus (being very encouraging & kind) that everything was fine. I tried to brush it off as nothing and focus on the party planning/our busy weekend ahead.

Monday morning my follow up appointment came and I had almost convinced myself that I was just worrying to worry. I just kept telling myself everything was totally fine.

The doctor came in…I noticed she had a paper that she faced down on the counter…

that feeling started to seemed to scream inside me…something was wrong.

She did the usual “How are you feeling” etc. etc. Just normal small talk.

Then I heard those words…

“We found something called an EIF or a “bright spot” in the baby’s heart while doing the ultrasound.”

She proceed to explain what that meant and handed me the sheet of paper that had been faced down.

Paragraphs of information about this term I had never heard. Honestly, everything started to blur together after that. I listened and try to make sense of what she was saying. She put a lot of emphasis on the possibility it was nothing serious and that going to see a specialist was just “precautionary.”

I am fully aware this news could have been so much worse…and I have read all the stats about how common this is…and I was told the probability that this would end up being something that would just go away.

But I also started hearing the words Down Syndrome and issues with chromosomes. This issue actually has very little to do with the heart but more to do with those two terms.

We had to wait a long….LONG…forever long week until our appointment with the “specialist.”

During that week I tried to stay as distracted as possible and of course prayed for our little one like crazy!

I had positive moments and moments were I was anything but positive.

One morning in particular I was struggling with this verse…you could even call it my “life verse.”

“but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.”

I didn’t feel like God was holding up his end of the deal. I genuinely felt like I was putting all of my “hope in the Lord.” but I wasn’t experiencing anything listed after that.

I was praying and being very honest with God…all while feeding Truett some breakfast 🙂

& I started thinking about those promises…

“renew their strength”

and I realized…

The moments each night praying with my husband…

reading my bible and feeling the closeness of Jesus…

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that is my strength being renewed.

“soar on wings like eagles.”

happy boy

“run and not grow weary”

holding hands

“walk and not be faint.”

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Maybe sometimes we feel like God’s not holding true to his promises because we misinterpret them.

My appointment on Monday went well but confirmed something I already knew.

There is no guarantee that my baby will be 100% healthy & I do not put my trust in Doctors or formulas.

Because God created this baby and is already writing his story. He loves him even more than I could imagine and he has an incredible plan for his life.

There is so much I don’t understand about “markers” and “percentages” but I do know that things look very promising for this little guy & my God is bigger than anything Doctors can find.

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I am so in love already! We loved getting to see our little man in 3D and I thought it was ironic that he looked like he was praying 🙂

So that’s where we are…still anxiously awaiting the arrival of our baby boy and praying for him daily.

Thank you so much to those that have reached out to me in the last few weeks. All it took was one post about a heavy heart and I had countless messages of encouragement. My friends just loving me and caring for me without an agenda or prying for information. I truly have the greatest friends and family! Your kind words and prayers have meant more than you will ever know…

Please continue to pray for our boy and understand that we may not give anymore “updates” about this but are deciding to move forward focusing on the excitement of an addition to our family.

This baby has given to us for a very specific purpose and we are continuously in awe of the amazing fact that God chose us.

It’s True. 

Make It Count

MAY IS HERE!!!!
I must say if the rest of the month is anything like the first day…it is sure to be OH-MAY-ZING!!

Today I made this guy check the mail in the rain…

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…true story…

I was so excited because…

my LIPSTICK SHADES customized Otter Box is finally here! I first found out about these little gems through Mama Laughlin & Skinny Meg. Go check out their blogs!! They are both very inspirational and encouraging when it comes to weight loss and getting in shape. They are also total fasionistas!

Back to my case…It’s here and I love it!!

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LOVE!

Definitely a great way to start the month of MAY!

My motto this month is
“MAY-KE IT COUNT!”
It’s the last full month before summer & plus it’s a chance to start fresh. A new month, new day…endless opportunities!

As I’ve said before, goals are so important!!

Here are a few goals I have for this month:
1. Complete Jillian Michael’s 30 day shred. Which I started today- kill.me.now.

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Excuse the towel…I was staying at a hotel and forgot my yoga mat but was determined to start today & knew I’d be getting home late.

I wanted to die & it was only level one. Here’s to hoping I don’t…

Die that is. No matter what I’m going to finish!

2. Also finish the quilt I’m working on(I started today!) for my little guy. It might sound random because I have never done any type of sewing before. None the less I’m excited to try something new, spend some time with my mom (she is teaching me…she is pretty much a seamstress god) and also make something for True that he can keep forever.

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I mean…we all know he will be taking this thing to college!

3. Do a couple DIY projects that I have been putting off. I’ll update as I go!

4. Drink more water…this is an ongoing problem for me. I pretty much only drink water. I can’t stand any type  of soda or coffee. Although there are some days I REALLY need the caffeine! But the problem is I don’t drink enough. That’s changing in May!!!

5. RUN!

Now that I have completed my first (post baby) 5k, I cannot decide if I am going to start training for a 10k or just try to get the point of not running slower than some people walk. Decisions…

Either way I have worked way to hard to cut running out of my work out routine. So the plan is to do that in addition to “crazy lady” Jillian. We’ll see if I can even walk tomorrow.

OK I’m done whining…

I can’t wait to see all that this month has to bring & the amazing things that happen from “MAY-KING IT COUNT.” Yeah…I know it’s cheesy, but that’s the beauty of writing on your own blog. CHEESINESS all around!! 🙂

Seriously though, I hope you will join me in making it count!! Life is just too short not to.

This is your month! The feeling that comes on May 31st will be worth all the hard work and time management!

It’s True. 

I Quit

Ok so those of you that have been following this blog know that in the beginning of February I starting getting serious about getting healthy and back in shape after gaining 60+ pounds in my pregnancy with my first son (born in November).

I have added a page on my blog called “Weight Loss” with links to previous posts for those of you that need to catch up. But the most important post would be: “Yeah…I’m Done Being Fat.

 

Obviously it has been sometime since I have posted about my weight loss journey (about 6 weeks).

Many of you have been so kind and encouraging to me. Making it a point to ask me about my journey and when in the world I am going to blog again about that part of my life. 🙂 It really does mean so much to me that there is a group of people…as small as it may be….that care & also take the time to read my little ol’ blog.

So I have made a decision…

I quit.

Yup….I really quit.

 

I quit making excuses.

I quit putting other things before things that are so important to me.

I quit doubting myself.

I quit worrying about all the weight that I have left to lose.

*Yes…this is a good  “I quit” 🙂

I think I came to a point where I started to question why I was doing the work outs or eating healthy. In the back of my mind I couldn’t help but think:

“Am I really doing this for ME…or am I doing this for the people reading my blog?”

As silly as that may sound…

It was so important to me that I do this for myself because, in my short 23 years of life, I have seen first hand what can happen when you base the things you do/don’t do on other people. That being said I also have a tendency to try and “perform.” Part of that is just my personality and part of it is growing up in the fish bowl of being a pastor’s kid.

So for all of these reasons I started thinking about taking a step back from the whole “weight loss update” scene. Once I did that I realized that I was definitely doing this for ME & no one else. Sometimes it is our accomplishments that occur in private that mean the most & I think I had to prove somethings to myself before I continued on with this public sharing of my journey in weight loss.

Since my last post I have:

Lost 7.5 more pounds for a a total 18.5 lbs

Run 2.5 miles without stopping (ok for real…if you would have asked me on week 2 if I thought I could this anytime in 2013 I would have laughed in your face…I know its nothing HUGE but its still an accomplishment)

But most of all I have gained some much needed confidence!!!

I promise to go back to my little updates (for those of you that missed them) and keep you guys in the loop more. Thank you for being patient while I take some “me” time. 🙂

Exercising:

PLEASE be thinking/praying of me this Saturday as I run my first-post baby-5k! I REALLLLLLYYYYYY would like to run the entire thing without stopping for a walk break but in all of the previous 5k races I have done I have never been able to do it. It is totally a mental thing. In the one 10k I did, I ran over 3.1 before stopping, but never could do it in an actual 5k. I start to psych myself out and get so easily defeated. SO this Saturday will be different. Im not worried about fast I am running…but I will run…until its done! 🙂

I have been training for over 8 weeks now and I am ready for my hard work to help me accomplish this goal!

Nutrition:

The last two weeks have been rough. We did some traveling (short distance but hotel staying none the less) for my husbands job and then had family in town this week and then birthday celebrations for your’s truly 😉

Note to self: Vegan Carrot is wonderful…& well deserve on the birthday of a girl who, LOVES carrot cake and can’t have dairy…..

IN MODERATION!!! 

The crazy part is that I literally feel crappy. I can totally tell not eating well is taking its toll and I am actually looking forward to grocery shopping this evening and getting back into the swing of things.

Overall I am so very glad that I made the decision to get serious when I did and that I have (for the most part) stuck with it. I hope to only get more committed and see even better results! There are definitely days where I think…I have a 5 MONTH OLD…why is this taking so long! But I don’t let myself go down that road. Instead I focus on the positives….and when all else fails….

look at some stinkin’ pictures…

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Last pregnant picture outside the hospital.

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1 month post baby.

 

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I can finally tell my face is starting to thin out a little.

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4.5 months post baby

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TAYLOR SWIFT CONCERT!!! 🙂

 

And if that doesn’t work I just look at this little man and remind myself it was all sooooo worth it!!

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It’s alway’s more exciting to get dressed for the day when you feel good.

***Another big accomplishment***

My wedding ring finally fits!!!!!!!!!! I don’t love how tight it is and with the heat my hands tend to swell but it actually fits!

I refuse to “avoid” the camera because (although I don’t love how I look now) I don’t want to miss out on making memories. Plus, it really is great way to track progress.

All of this to say

“I’m backkkkkkk” & couldn’t be happier!

It’s True.

Setting Those Goals

*****Its the end of week 4*****

If you missed any of the previous post about my weight loss journey here are some links:

End of week 1: HERE.

End of week 2: HERE.

End of week 3: HERE.

Week 4 has been awesome!!

I feel like I am finally getting into a routine and a grove when it comes to this new lifestyle of eating healthy and exercising. This is the first time EVER that I don’t find myself dreaming of the cheat day or discouraged when I think about “living this way forever.” I am working hard and getting serious but I have tried my best to be realistic. I want this to be my forever & not my “until summer gets here”  “until I lose 30 lbs” or “until I can’t do it anymore & I quit.” More than wanting to lose weight, be “fit”, or feel comfortable and confident in my own skin…I want to be HEALTHY. I want to be able to keep up with my little man.

BTW ~sidenote~ True is growing like a weed! He is now 3 months old (I’ll be posting an update next week with tons of adorable pics) and I can tell he is dying to get moving. If he isn’t eating or sleeping he wants to be kicking, standing, bouncing…moving…all ways!

I want to teach my son the importance of what you put in your body and how you take care of it.

SO back to this week….first I have to announce something VERY important.

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I accomplished my first goal. I actually worked out 5 days this week!! After three weeks of working out 3-4 days, I was really wanting to accomplish this goal. Now I know that I can!

It probably sounded silly last week when I listed this as a goal. Its not a HUGE accomplishment but it was something that I wanted to do and I knew that making it a goal was not only motivating but it would also be SOOO exciting once I accomplished it. So exciting that it leads to a little photo shoot 🙂

I’ve learned one of the most important things you can do is set goals for yourself & then “celebrate the little victories.” Set goals that are reasonable, achievable and that excite you.

I have long term goals:

  • completing my 4th sprint TRI
  • loosing 45 lbs
  • having some freaking Jillian Michael arms  (I plan on doing her 30 day shred after I loose the first 20 lbs)
  • doing some sort of detox probably involving juicing after I’m done nursing

But if I set any of those goals as a “weekly goal” I would be disappointed  week after week & probably end up giving up.

I also accomplished my other two goals by eating more greens and doing a strength/weight workout twice this last week.

Total miles for the week:

15.97 Whoohoooo

I am going to be signing up for my first race soon. I need another goal 😉 Probably just a 5k to start with. I know from experience that there is just something about forking over that $ and participating in a actual race is so motivating for me.

I really want to start biking again but I no longer have my Wal-Mart hybrid MENS bike (true story…don’t recommend it) I used in my TRIs. We were planning on taking some of our tax return to buy a bike for me but what we did with the $ was much more important!

We paid off all our debt except for my car and our student loans! YAYAYAYAY!  It felt great and while I want a bike I know this a wiser decision & was what we were suppose to do!

This weeks goals

1.Workout 5 days

It’s ok to have the same goals for multiple weeks! Because just one week of working out for 5 days is pretty good but several weeks…that’s just stinking AWESOME!

2. Juice at least twice

I don’t feel comfortable juicing as a meal substitute while nursing but I think its a great thing to do in between meals. I honestly just don’t make time for it and hate the clean up….I can be  pretty lazy 🙂

3. Do 2 core workouts

Having a baby…or carrying a baby for almost 10 months…totally kills your abs. I honestly try to avoid ab or core workouts because I get ticked when I’m reminded how weak my core now is. Time to “suck it up buttercup.” Nothings going to change without some action.

This is a off the books goal that I would challenge anyone reading this post to try to do this week.

Dream.

I have been reminded of the power of  “dreaming.” So often I feel like

“I will never be able to ______”

“I could never _______”

but when I let myself dream of those things that seem impossible that seem much more achievable. It’s important to dream in EVERY area of life but especially when it comes to your physical ability. Don’t be the person that sets limitations for yourself…dream!

You can get healthy.

You can workout…and even enjoy it.

You can feel confident & proud.

For those of you that don’t believe me…I’m determined to prove it to you. But I would love to do this together! It”s March. It’s not too late to follow through with those New Years resolutions. Thank you so much to everyone that has been messaging me, commenting and emailing with your stories of “celebrating the little victories.”

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It’s True.

 

***Almost forgot*** I’ve lost another pound & a half. So I’ve lost 9.5 lbs!!! So close to the big 10 🙂

Before and After (x3)

Ok so I know I should have posted this yesterday but better late than never right?? 😉
I’m sorry I haven’t had a chance to blog since last week AND that this is a day late. I went back to work this week…very part time but it still has me waking up at 4:45am to get ready each morning! BIG change from the yoga pants everyday 🙂

But I promise as soon as I adjust to this new schedule I’ll blog more often! I’m thinking about adding a page of healthier recipes I’m trying/like, because several people have asked for them.

Back to the weight loss battle
I say battle because this week was definitely a fight.

A fight to make working out a priority.

A fight to take the time to eat healthy instead of quick & easy.

A fight to not indulge in every tasty treat that popped into my head. You see, when I get stressed out I eat. Thats just what I’ve always done (other than the year of pre-wedding weight loss aka 2010). So this week with all of the many adjustments and stress I could tell old habits were trying to pop back up.

So I promise to be real and truthful when writing, and that is EXACTLY what this post is.

Important background info on me:

For those of you that don’t already know this.

I have struggled with my weight my entire life.

I was the fat kid in middle school.

photo-12photo-16(yup I knew my husband way back then 🙂 )

The skinny(er) girl in high school (some of this was natural “slimming out” & some of it was an unhealthy obsession/self-image issues).

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Then came the college…(+25lbs).

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Then I got engaged…and healthy…and in the best shape of my life.

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Then came the “married, in school, working, don’t care…(+15lbs).”

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Then “the preggo 60lbs” 🙂

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& the post preggo…with 40+ lbs to loose!

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Throughout my life I have had this ongoing battle to loose weight. Although it has been somewhat of a roller coaster, I do know what it feels like to be successful in loosing weight…in both a not so healthy way and a very healthy way. But that knowledge isn’t enough…I’m not only trying to loose weight but also break bad habits.

***THE MOST IMPORTANT THING THAT HAPPENED THIS WEEK***

I ate out a couple times over the weekend and did not workout. I was honestly frustrated with current the pace of  “getting healthy” and was having a bit of a pity party. As a result…

I gained 2 lbs!! 

I had this moment of…

“screw it! I’m done. I don’t care. If I can’t miss a few days of working out and eat at a restaurant (while still making healthy choices!!!) then I quite. 2 lbs is 1/4…25% of what I have worked so hard to loose. I’m never going to be able to do this. PLUS, I’m going to have more babies and I’ll just have to do this crap allllll over again. THIS IS POINTLESS!”

Then I remembered how I felt:

  • That day I really looked in the mirror.
  • That day that I lost the first pound…and the day I had lost 4 pounds.
  • The evening spent reading message after message from friends and family that were encouraging me, asking for accountability or inspired by my first post.

This is the important part–> I decided that I am not quitting. I am not going to give up that easily!

This is a life long commitment to be a healthier me…and it is going to be hard. There will be moments where I want to throw in the towel. But (for me) I have decided that quitting isn’t an option when it comes to my health.

So this week I’m focusing on the fact that I lost the two pounds that I gained last weekend and I’m back to where I started last Thursday. But in the back if my mind I can’t help but think…
I could have lost 10 lbs and be in the double digits right now.

But thinking that does nothing. It doesn’t get me to losing 10 lbs & it doesn’t change what is.

So I’ve lost 10  😉 but I’m down 8 lbs. I’m choosing to “celebrate the little victories.” 🙂

Exercising this week:

I don’t know why I can’t seem to work out more than 4 days a week…I don’t know what it is about that 5th day that is so hard to get in! I think it’s because three nights a week Barry is either at class or C3 Students. I make excuses during the little bit of time we have together and then don’t want to do it  by myself…
I did actually go to the gym (our “clubhouse” gym) and do an arm workout & a little leg workout too!

I HATE doing weights.

Seriously I would rather do cardio twice a day…obviously with the given stats I wouldn’t really do cardio twice a day but you get the picture.

So I did 3 days of cardio and one day of weights/a little elliptical.
I also was able to do a few 2 & 3 minute running intervals!! If you read my blog last week you know that I tried to see how long I could run one day and could not even get to three minutes. Again, this is me celebrating the little victories...while I was running the said three minutes (for the second time) & feeling like I was going to die I kept thinking:

This is ridiculous! I worked so hard and I’ve lost it all. 3 minutes is nothing.
But in the past this thinking would have caused me to quit. Come home, cry and not run for months.
So I had a decision. I chose to tell myself to shut up & “celebrated” the little victory. I’m so glad I did because it felt awesome to accomplish something!

I’m not quitting!

My mileage is low this week because of the day of doing weights.
Total miles for this week:
7.20

I track my mileage using my Garmin! I’ve had it for two years but it still works great. Definitely worth the investment! It tells you your distance, heart rate (you wear a heart rate band), current pace, average pace, and calories burned. It’s everything right in one spot!

Not much change on the eating front other than trying to lower my carb intake. I also did much better about eating breakfast most mornings. So thats 2 out of 3 goals from last week that I accomplished!

I actually got stuff to make lettuce wraps at home and I’m planning on doing that for myself on our next “taco night.” I’ll be sure to add that in with other foods/recipes I’m going to post.

Goals for this week:

1.WORK OUT 5 DAYS…I’m doing it…for real 🙂

2. Eat more green stuff (as in healthy green stuff)

3. Do a strength/weight workout twice

I wish I could put into words how much you motivate me. Seriously! If you are reading this, you are a huge motivator for me. On Sunday night when I want pizza. On Tuesday when I DO NOT want to workout. I think of (the few 🙂 ) people who follow this blog and what I would say on my Thursday weight loss update if I didn’t stick to it.

I’m not perfect. I’m fighting a battle everyday. I will always be honest.

But most importantly I’m not quitting.

There will be a post…in what feels like the far off future….

of a BEFORE & AFTER- the fourth and last time 🙂

 

“You can throw in the towel, OR you can use it to wipe the sweat off your face.”

 

It’s True.